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What I Don’t Want To Teach My Kids

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True-love believer, mom of 4, DIY kind of woman, family roadtrip recidivist, business owner, home decoration and renovation aficionado, technology, beauty products and accessories junky, creativity and liberty craver, country music and southern lifestyle addict, beach potato and part-time blogger trying to balance everything good in her life.
What I Don’t Want To Teach My Kids

I see and I hear things around me that I don’t want to teach my kids about.

Values childrenEveryday I am having conversations with all kinds of people.  It can be friends, family members, employees or complete strangers.  What I have learned over the years is that there are things I want my children to learn and to apply.  There are other things I wish they haven’t witnessed or learned.  I do not wish to teach my kids to lie, to be rude or mean, but there are more to this.

Blaming Others For Your Own Insecurities

I dislike people who feel insecure or anxious and use it to blame others for whatever the reason is.  Instead of being true and honest about their fears and feelings, those people find every possible ways to blame other to deviate the conversations or to avoid going down their soul.  By doing so, they think the person they are talking to doesn’t see the real human being behind their front.

I am so sad when people do this to me.  Why do they have to be mean, disrespectful or accuser for nothing.  They are just trying to make you feel bad for something that you have nothing to do with in the first place.  It is not your fault; you did nothing wrong; you do not have to be diminished for that.

Teach My Kids To Speak Up Their Mind

teach my kids to be brave
My babies always holding on each other when they need to be brave

You tried speaking up your mind?  Or to justify you did nothing wrong or were misinterpret or misheard?  The chance is that your interlocutor won’t listen to you.  Remember your interlocutor is full of insecurities and fears.  So there is no way he or she would let you find out about it.

So no, I don’t want to teach my kids this kind of attitude.  And I do not want my kids to never feel good enough or strong enough to not share or discuss their flaws.  I want to tell them it is okay to be scared sometimes and that it is also okay to be full of incertitude.  After all, that is what us human.

Never Admitting When Your Are Wrong

Another thing I wish my children will never learn is not being authentic and true.  We all make mistakes.  It is also part of being human.  Nobody is perfect and that’s okay like this.  Just the idea of perfection makes me sick.  My family is not perfect, my home is not perfect, my marriage is not perfect.  But the fact is that this imperfection makes us be better persons and makes up looking to improve ourselves day after day.

Admitting you are wrong it the first step when looking to be true and authentic.  It is not an easy thing to do.  It even may be one of the hardest thing you’ll ever do.  By doing it, your weak spot is exposed and it doesn’t always feel good on the moment.  But afterwards, you will feel great.  And you know, deep inside, every times, that it is the good thing to do.

So I want my kids to be able to be truthful. It is such an important thing in life and too much people do not have this skill, or do not want to how their flaws.  I think it will be a great challenge to teach my kids to admit when they are wrong.  But I am sure it will help them throughout their lives.

Hide The Truth To Avoid Triggering A Situation

 

Teach my kids about love and being trustworthy
I want to teach my kids to always speak with their heart

Have you ever been in a family event where everybody has small talk?  Nobody dares speaking up on subjects that will trigger some uncomfortable talk.  No you can not talk about your last salary increase, or you cannot talk about your niece’s bad attitude.  You can also not tell your mom she has double standards when dealing with her grandchildren or even her own children.  Also, you can not talk about how your sister deceived you or how your sister-in-law said malicious stuff about your child.  You can certainly not say a thing about how tired you are dealing with your problems or how your couple is not going well these days.

All these subjects are unmentionable. NO!

Talking about all these out loud would certainly create some disagreement or debate and bring tears and frustration up.  That’s unacceptable.

Teach My Kids To Speak Up When It Does Not Feel Right

But in real life, this is all b***s***!  You need to be able to talk about those subjects and express yourself when you feel like you have been deceived.  It is healthy and necessary to express how you feel and what affects you with people who supposedly love you.  You should not be afraid to be real and have real talks.  Your family should be there for you and you should be able to tell them when what they say or do is not okay with you.

That is something I really wish my kids will learn to do.  With me, with their father, with each other.  I hate small talks and I hate when I can not be 100% real and 100% myself.  They need to learn to be able to talk about delicate subjects.  Also they have to learn to accept criticisms and listen to other people’s opinions.  I will teach my kids the best I can how to do that and not be resentful when they do not hear what they expected to hear.  If we just can be honest, not hurtful, just honest with each other, then we will take off a huge amount of weight from our parent’s shoulders.

Make Them Feel Like They Can’t Count On Us

I had a rough time the last year.  My family, my couple, everything was falling apart because we were too tired to fight and get up after the 10th punch in the face that life threw at us.  My daughter’s having Asperger’s was the ultimate punch.  And I do not ask for help on a regular basis.  I tend to deal with everything by myself or with the help of my husband.  So when I called someone I trusted last year because I just couldn’t take it anymore I hoped this person would have run to hold my hand and helped me get up and fight back.  But it didn’t happen.

The Help Just Never Came

Instead I was told I would get help, but not the same day, not the day after nor the day after this one.  It would certainly be in 4 or 5 days from that day I made that phone call.  But I needed help at that exact moment.  I was crying my eyes out sat inside my closet not able to take care of my children playing downstairs or to dress myself.  Since I did not received that much required help, I had to get up, dry my tears, compose myself and face the day and my kids like if the inside of my heart or my head wasn’t crushed.

best daddy
Always there to catch our kids when they fall!

We Will Always Be There To Catch Them If They Fall

I want to teach my kids they can count on me no matter how, no matter when. They have to know I will always be there for them and they do not have to wait to feel completely worn out to ask for help.  I want them to know I am not leaving and that I’ll just be there.  And I could drive 500 miles or fly 2000 miles to get to them if they need me.  Because that’s what a mom does.

Teaching My Kids To Be Good

I may not succeed at teaching my kids everything I want to teach them as much as I would like to.  But in the end, I just hope they will turn out to be good persons.  I promise I will do everything I can to teach them good values and how to be trustworthy, truthfully and authentic grown-up human beings.

And I think that up to now, I am doing a great job!

 

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  1. I really loved this post and the overall message! There are so many lessons to teach them to prepare them for the world and there are certainly some lessons I wish I did not have to teach my kids. The goal is def. to raise decent, compassionate and empathetic humans.

  2. I love all of these, especially the very first thing on the list: not blaming others for your own insecurities. So many people (especially women) do this often, so as the mom of two girls, I’m constantly trying to be aware of what I can teach them so that they can go out and contribute to ending the cycle. Lovely post, mama. Xoxo.

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