Was I dreaming? Was the diagnostic right? Mononucleosis is not just a teen virus…
I’ve been going to the doc for quite some time. I was not feeling well. Sure the med I took the months before were still haunting my body, but still. I knew something was wrong but never I have ever taught I had a mononucleosis (often simply called mono).
“What’s going on with me?” I asked myself repeatedly for about 2 weeks. I was freezing for hours, unable to warm myself up, and then I was so hot, my clothes were getting all wet. Also it felt like if someone was trying to drill holes all over my brain and I was merely able to turn my head. Having mononucleosis is a thing but having it when you have 4 little ones to take care of and you are self-employed is really a pain.
In Pain For 2 Weeks
For 2 weeks I was feeling so tired and sick I started wondering if I caught some bad virus or something more important. I had a throat infection the month before so at first I thought it was just a second round of it. The doctor thought the same thing because he prescribed me antibiotics. But after a few days, no improvement. Nothing. Lymph nodes all around my neck, stiffed neck, tiredness, night sweats and fever. I was not even able to hold my own purse since my arms were too weak.
After dinner I was taking a hot shower, sat by the fireplace with blankets in a winter pajama and couldn’t find a way to warm my body up. At night, my clothes and bed sheets were all wet due to night sweats. Now all these seem to be in the past, but it is not. Mononucleosis is a tough pal. Believe me, it is all still there, just not that bad. The tiredness, the weakness, the brain fog haven’t decreased. Impossible to concentrate on little things, so imagine when I need to try to work or help the kids with their homeworks!
Have you ever given birth? Then you know what having a mommy brain is all about. You forgot stuff, you can’t remember little details, your hormones mess with your head. It feels like all of a sudden you became stupid and not so smart anymore. You brain is focusing on your child and that’s it. I remembered once, I gave birth a week or two before. I was trying to do a recipe and I decided to double it. You know, 2 times the flour measurement, 2 times the oatmeal and so on. But my mommy brain decided that couldn’t be that easy. So I ended up measuring half of certain ingredients, doubled some or tripled others. You know, when you just can’t pick up where you left…
Mononucleosis feels like having a mommy brain, indefinitely! Focus is now so hard to achieve. I just can’t concentrate. My kids have ADHD, and now I feel like I got it too. But in my case, no medication can help me stay focus. I start something, I turn around I start something else, forgetting what I was doing minutes ago.
Why Me? Now I Get It
Since for the first weeks of my virus I was not able to do anything (even watching TV was too hard), I had all the time in the world to think about lots of things. Not too serious subjects that needed my brain to work properly, but lighter things in life.
There Is Always A Reason
In my life I tend to say that everything happens for a reason and that’s your job to figure out that reason. It didn’t take me long to understand why I was getting this mononucleosis at that time in my life. As you know, we struggled as a couple and as a family for the past years. It has been hard on us. And I did my best to keep our family together and to get everyone on board to brave this terrible storm. My shrink and my husband both told me I should let go. That we were doing better and that I couldn’t keep carrying all this burden on my shoulders. At that moment, the virus I was fighting for months just decided that with my guards down it could finally just jumped in. Yeah right, you have so much time for sickness when you have young kids!
I know now it was my body telling me to stop. To just pause for a while. And to let my husband get back in and take charge of everything: the kids, the house, the groceries. It was time for him to spend some time in my shoes. And it worked. He learned all about the house work. Sure he did his share in our household, but he did have to get the kids ready for school by himself, take care of the kids’ activities, their homeworks, the groceries and everything in between.
One Step Back, Two Steps Forward
I stepped back, hopefully for the best. I am still having a hard time focusing and keep going for hours, but I am getting better, I am getting there. Some days, I feel like the mononucleosis just won’t go away. Ever. But other days, I can work for hours so I know I am getting there.